The Reason
Today, after a long time of silence I've decided to talk again, this time I have a diferent chronicle to talk about and I want to express it on my way, a way in which everything is much more easier to me...
First of all, I gotta tell you that I've finished the relationship that I started some time ago. It was difficult to face the truth but is not impossible, it was good for a while, I have to recognize that we both passed through good and bad situations that made us feel stronger, the problem was that I confused myself and later realized that what I actually felt wasn't love instead of appreciate, a strong appreciation that I enjoyed of. After braking up, i felt better, 'cause I stopped a situation that was disturbing me, disturbing me because it was not pleasant to say "I Love You" when actually not feel it and just want to make the other person feel good. After some days I feel like the only thing that I need is the forgiveness of that person that was special for me once, forgive because in some way I feel like I've broke an inocent's heart, and that's something that never crossed my mind. This is the way i say I'm Sorry, the most honest words right now I can say.
On the other hand, I want to talk about something that is still being a taboo and I've talked about a lot lately, the sexual option. We as a society, can be careless to gay community, or maybe respectful but limited in giving suggestion or opinions.
Today I don't want you to read words, instead of that, I want you to be more than simple readers sitting in a chair...
Living with gay o lesbian option is not as simple or happy as it may appear, althought most of the people think that a gay son is the worst that could have happend to them, they can't understand what I actually feel.
Being gay IS NOT A CHOICE, it is not like one day I wake up and say "Wow, I really like that girl because she's got really cute eyes and big bubies, then I'm straight" and the next morning you see a boy with more beautiful eyes than the girl and say "Woooow, that boy is really hot!, then i'm becoming gay" and vice versa, is something that you feel everyday, is the desire to live happy in company with a boy but not a girl, the desire to share more than simple sex, more than being it just to make your parents get mad at you. It is definitely not a bless but is not a curse though.
I can say that straight people and gay people pass the same kind of difficulties and good times. Such as being successful, finding love, braking up with someone, study, cry, smile, have dreams, pray, make plans, kiss, hugh, in conclusion TO LIVE AND LOVE!
My life wasn't too easy or happy as some people might believe. I've faced violence, careless, abuse, lack of love and many other negative things that is not worth to remember, and even if I don't want to think about them, they are still in my mind. The only reason why I keep moving forward are: My family (and my hope that everything get better and some day be a real family) and my friends (that are always with me, Thnx guys ur the best).
I live for you guys, to see you everyday, and for YOU, you who are thinking on me right now and I think about while writting these words.
Because of all those problematic situations I've raised myself basing on my search of happyness, but I always made of it more distant from me. I always fuck everything up!
I'm experiencing a new love but, unfortunately is being hurt by my distorted mind.
I'm sorry (¬¬) another honest apologize.
These are more than words that I want you to read, is the pain of a true person that's been afected by our society, and we're the ones that can stop this kind of painful life, how?, easy, be respectful with everyone, not only with those who have problems with sexuality but with every kind of problems too, remember that everyone wants to be loved and there's always an oportunity to give love.
And this is the reason why I am who I am...
Sometimes i feel like if i were a kid and I only want to cry or want a hugh or a kiss.
by me...
First of all, I gotta tell you that I've finished the relationship that I started some time ago. It was difficult to face the truth but is not impossible, it was good for a while, I have to recognize that we both passed through good and bad situations that made us feel stronger, the problem was that I confused myself and later realized that what I actually felt wasn't love instead of appreciate, a strong appreciation that I enjoyed of. After braking up, i felt better, 'cause I stopped a situation that was disturbing me, disturbing me because it was not pleasant to say "I Love You" when actually not feel it and just want to make the other person feel good. After some days I feel like the only thing that I need is the forgiveness of that person that was special for me once, forgive because in some way I feel like I've broke an inocent's heart, and that's something that never crossed my mind. This is the way i say I'm Sorry, the most honest words right now I can say.
On the other hand, I want to talk about something that is still being a taboo and I've talked about a lot lately, the sexual option. We as a society, can be careless to gay community, or maybe respectful but limited in giving suggestion or opinions.
Today I don't want you to read words, instead of that, I want you to be more than simple readers sitting in a chair...
Living with gay o lesbian option is not as simple or happy as it may appear, althought most of the people think that a gay son is the worst that could have happend to them, they can't understand what I actually feel.
Being gay IS NOT A CHOICE, it is not like one day I wake up and say "Wow, I really like that girl because she's got really cute eyes and big bubies, then I'm straight" and the next morning you see a boy with more beautiful eyes than the girl and say "Woooow, that boy is really hot!, then i'm becoming gay" and vice versa, is something that you feel everyday, is the desire to live happy in company with a boy but not a girl, the desire to share more than simple sex, more than being it just to make your parents get mad at you. It is definitely not a bless but is not a curse though.
I can say that straight people and gay people pass the same kind of difficulties and good times. Such as being successful, finding love, braking up with someone, study, cry, smile, have dreams, pray, make plans, kiss, hugh, in conclusion TO LIVE AND LOVE!
My life wasn't too easy or happy as some people might believe. I've faced violence, careless, abuse, lack of love and many other negative things that is not worth to remember, and even if I don't want to think about them, they are still in my mind. The only reason why I keep moving forward are: My family (and my hope that everything get better and some day be a real family) and my friends (that are always with me, Thnx guys ur the best).
I live for you guys, to see you everyday, and for YOU, you who are thinking on me right now and I think about while writting these words.
Because of all those problematic situations I've raised myself basing on my search of happyness, but I always made of it more distant from me. I always fuck everything up!
I'm experiencing a new love but, unfortunately is being hurt by my distorted mind.
I'm sorry (¬¬) another honest apologize.
These are more than words that I want you to read, is the pain of a true person that's been afected by our society, and we're the ones that can stop this kind of painful life, how?, easy, be respectful with everyone, not only with those who have problems with sexuality but with every kind of problems too, remember that everyone wants to be loved and there's always an oportunity to give love.
And this is the reason why I am who I am...
Sometimes i feel like if i were a kid and I only want to cry or want a hugh or a kiss.
by me...
I completely understand what you feel...sometimes people like us tend to feel weak, undermined, helpless...all we are to do is keep the faith and try to be strong everyday...No one's perfect and, just like you said, this is not a choice, it something that comes with you, something that develops within you...
ResponderEliminarLiving like this will never be easy, but no one has happiness bought...we have to make our way to happiness on our own...
Keep it up, Luk!
I loved what you wrote =)